I'm still in love with you (Jasper)

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Zoe was sitting in a booth in the way back with a butterbeer in her hands thinking again. She had always said that she over did it with the thinking and that some days it was hard for her to really stop the thinking. She knew the reason why was because she was always alone, always away from people and her friends. After moving from America she had gone quiet again and though now she had found friends, a great boyfriend who understood her more then anyone else and many other things she just couldn't stop thinking.

She took a sip of her butterbeer before continuing her thinking. She knew why she was thinking so much now lately and that was because he was scared that she would be losing Jasper. It was a silly thought but it was something that she feared among all other things and in losing him she was scared she would leave and never come back from being numb. She was worried about him too because they hadn't spoken in some time though she had seen him in the hallways at the school but they really didn't interact very much and that was something she was worried about. She didn't know what was going on and she had taken the teaching roll so that she could be closer to him, closer so that they weren't so far away from each other but now thinking about it with all the silence going on between them, was it even worth it.

She slowly brought her hand up to touch the scars from the battle with the other werewolf to protect him. She now began doubting herself wondering if that was really worth it in and of it's self because now she wondered if they weren't supposed to be together. She now knew she was in doubt for everything and everything she stood for and for him as well.

"What is wrong with me? Am I not good enough? Am I not worth it? Or am I not the one trying hard enough? Am I really not what he wants?" she asked herself out loud as she looked down into her glass wondering about it.

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Jasper walked into the small pub. The smell of buttereer flooded his nostrils. He had watches Zoe come here and needed to talk to her badly. He had some explaining to do. He knew she of all people would understand. He saw her in the back of the pub and sat down across from her. "Hey there." He said with a smirk.

Jasper noticed that she seemed down. "In sorry. I should have wrote to you but there's been some...problems in my world." He sighed ready to spill the beans. "Someone invaded my territory. And on top of that my kind....they know about us. I haven't been avoiding you....I could bring myself to see you because they have been....well...punishing me..." He took her hand in his "but I love you and anything they do to me will never change that."

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She was thinking to much still. She knew that she could count on Selene to know what to do and help her if she just asked her for the help. She always seemed to want to help her but how much could Selene do in helping her while raising a child, trying to teach, trying to help students with their illnesses they could get and on top of that try to be a family with Airous who also was very busy. It seemed like no matter who she went to they were busy but were willing to put time in their busy schedules to help her and she wasn't used to that, she was used to being alone. She remembered the time she went into the hospital wing just after the attack and Selene was so kind in helping and she didn't flinch away from her like others did because of what she was, she was kind and loving and gentle.

Right now all she wanted was to make sure that Jasper was fine. She knew that their love was forbidden but that didn't faze her very much and no matter what her love for him would never change. Though the two species never were meant to mix, they both disobeyed their kinds because of their love for each other. It wasn't like she hadn't gone through hell herself with the person who had invaded her home and had smelt vampire in her home and after that she had gotten attacked because she was friends with vampires and would protect them. The pain that the whole pack, and the one that had arrived without the pack the first day, was more painful then anything and she would take it on again to protect him. Though thankfully she had help healing for if no one had arrived, she would have been found dead hours later. Though now her body was covered in more scars for protecting him all over her back, down her legs and covering 90 percent of her arms, she was glad she wore long sleeves to cover the scars.

That's when she felt the wind come through the now open door and she didn't have to look up to know who had entered the pub. She could smell him in the mix of butterbeer which burned her nose though not as badly as it would if she was in wolf form. She just kept her head down letting her hair fall around her face as she started to twirl the glass in her hand and trying to stop her endless thinking. She listened to every move that he made and looked up when he sat down and she tried to smile back but failed the only thing that happened was a slight pull in the corners of her mouth then it went back to frown.

"Hey back at ya." she said gently, tilting her head, though there was sadness written in her voice that would not go unnoticed.

"Its been hard without you. I decided to come here, the school to teach, so that I could be closer to you so that you wouldn't be so alone but in the end...I should have tried harder...should have been there more for you..." she said letting her sentence drop as she forced herself to not end up going in tears and she ran her hand through her hair.

"Someone...as in another vampire. There are a total of two full vampires, you and another, and there was a quarter vampire but she no longer is here, she left without saying good by to her sisters." she said though her sadness never left her voice as she looked up at him with gentle, caring, kind but sad eyes.

"Oh, Honey, the vampires aren't the only ones that know about us, my kind...they also know and because of the fact I have stood up to them, they became furious, they know I am a vampire lover. Do you know how badly...how much I wanted to talk to you...to know that you were personally ok? I see you through the halls but thats not enough. I...understand." she said her voice quivering on the breaking point.

"Your not the only one being punished for loving me. I have been punished severely, and I am being continually watched by my kind, they have been watching my house, they have been on the outskirts of my boarder, I smell them all the time knowing they are there. They are even brave enough to come knocking on my door wanting to talk about me joining their pack just so I can obey their laws." she said pushing up her sleeves forgetting about the long, deep scars from the other's claws and several bite marks that all went down to her wrists but smiled when he took her hand.

"I still love you and no matter what, no matter how far I have to go to reach you, no matter how many I have to fight to get to you or how many times I get bloodied up by my own kind or the vampires, I will find you and save you. I love you, for forever and always. No matter what...I will save you. And no matter what, I will never leave you without a logical or rational explanation and I could never leave you, I would have to be forced." she said.

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Jasper could see that she was upset. He like her talk freely though. When she was done he stood up for a moment and then moved to the other side of the booth and sat down next to her. He pulled her into him and held her close. "I know." He said as tears threatened his eyes "thats why I haven't talk to you. I feel as if I'm putting you in danger." He ran a hand threw her hair. "I was thinking....maybe we should break up. But...it hurts me so much to think about losing you." Gently he took his hand and lifted her chin up so she was looking at him "that's why I think we should stick together more." He said with a smile. "Maybe even...move in together. I can make use a house in my territory. No one will bother us." He said gently stroking her hair our of her face.

He sighed and nodded. "They where hunting on my ground. I found one of them...and he threatened you...so I attacked him. I even tried to...feed off of him." He said looking down shamefully. "No one gets to talk about you badly. Ill kill them." He said letting the vampire show as his eyes sparkled. He looked back at her "I love you so much Zoe."

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She was thankful that he let her talk, usually she was not this open but because he was the only one that she had let in on her life, she felt that it was only right to let him in and know exactly what was going on. To her surprise, however, it was much easier to let it all out and just lay it on the table like she was though she hated doing that and saying: 'here, this is what's going on with me. It's your choice in what you do with it but I'm going to be brutally honest here.' When he had stood up after she was done, she feared that he would just get up and leave and that's not what she wanted, she wanted him to know whats going on but not to get up and walk out on her, but she was glad that he moved to her side of the table and pulled her into him. She had always liked the closeness.

"Our lives have never been exactly what people call 'Normal' Jazz. We, both you and I along with what our species are, are the danger. We both know what can happen and what we are makes us stronger. I knew what I was up against when we started dating, I don't regret my choice. That's why I haven't tried to either, thats why I began doubting myself, believing I wasn't trying hard enough to talk to you." she said leaning into him and was soothed when he ran his hand through her hair.

"I could never stay away, regardless and it would kill me if we did. I would have no heart left, no love to give, I would have nothing to give to anyone else and I would lead a life of 'What if's'. It would destroy me Jazz, to lose you, I can't." she said and when he lifted her chin to so she could look at him she couldn't look away, nothing could distract her enough to ever look away from him.

"I think that too. We are two halves of a whole Jazz and people may not like it but thats not our problem. People care only what they can tear down and break, we are not broken by them, just bent but we can unbend and be flexible. I would like that and then you can stay in the house without worry of anyone else being there except those who are our friends. Nope." she said with a smile and leaned into his hand.

"Well, he may not have known that you had claimed it as yours, he probably had originally claimed it before and thought that it was still fair game until he realized you had claimed it. Well....I am used to threats Jazz, its nothing knew to me, though I doubt he will threaten me now. That's understandable and I would do the same for you. Why try to feed off of another vampire?" she asked curiously but gently touched his face.

"Neither will anyone about you, I won't allow it and if it costs me a limb or a few chunks of skin, I don't care, I have already killed for your safety and I would do it again. I love you just as much Jazz, nothing will change that." she said watching his eyes and smiled.

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"Don't say that." He said softly. He didnt pull his hand away from her hair. "You've done more than I could have ever asked you to do for me." He said kissing her forehead. "Then it's decided. Before the next full moon ill build use a house in my territory. We can live in peace, together."

He chuckled at her question. "I was hungry." He sighed "that's also why I have been avoiding you. I haven't been feeding right. I....I'm having problems controlling myself. I don't want hurt you."

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"I am sorry I said that but it's true. I can't live without you and I never can picture a life without you. I have tried so hard to make sure that you were ok, that you were safe, that there was no way for you to get hurt. I don't want to lose you." she said nuzzling up to him happily and smiled when he kissed her forehead.

"That's going to have to be fast building then. How on earth are you going to build a house in such a short period of time Jazz?" she asked playfully at him and smiled. After all anything was possible if you only put your mind to it and that was very true.

"Ah, well that's understandable but seriously honey you need to feed too if you don't your going to get upset and well....things will get bad. I know you don't want to hurt me but sometimes....it's best to realize that I don't mind if you do because I know what you are and I am not afraid of you." she said gently taking his face in her hands.

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Jasper smiled lightly before sipping at his drink, not taking his arm from around her. "I know. I just don't like you getting hurt. I won't let this happen anymore." At her next words he couldn't help but chuckle. "I'll skip classes. It's not like I'm going to graduate this year anyways." He said sadly with a shrug. "Besides I have the perfect spot for our house."

Zoe's hands were on his face then. Jasper smirked lightly "your cute when you have no clue what your talking about," he said gently. "It's not what you think Zoe. I would love to feed from you. It's suppose to be the most pleasurable thing a vampire can do for thenself and their lover. But us, we can never have that. One bit from me will kill you because your a werewolf. One bit from you can kill me because I'm a vampire." He said gently.

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She sighed in content, not wanting to leave though this was already hard enough as it was but to her that didn't matter, not at that moment and for that she was glad she was with Jasper. She smiled and inhaled his sent and that was her familiar, that was the only thing that kept her stable which was saying something and thats what she cared about more then the world.

"I don't want you hurt either. I know you won't I will track you down and when I find you I will refuse to let you get away the next time, if this happens again. I will always refuse to let you go." she said honestly.

"Well you should make it to classes too you know. It's not like I can't help with the building either when I have breaks at the school with teaching. We can both work on it. Really can't wait to see where it will be. Do you want help with your classes?" she said asked looking up at him worriedly.

"I try. Even if I don't know what I am talking about I at least try to wing it to make it look like I do." she said laughing a little knowing that she really only did it to make life a lot more interesting then painful like it was but it was the only way to make her and jasper's life better.

"I bet it would be. I have wanted that but its to dangerous for the both of us to do that for we would end up killing each other. I know we can never have that but I know that both of us want that. We would and I can't stand risking your life. In many ways I wish that life was different and we could have that but then...where would the risk be?" she said kissing him gently.