Counseling session #1 (Jacoby)

[Deleted]

Nera was a counselor here too especially with the young kids though she came here every day to do the job she enjoyed it and plus it gave her a way to protect the kids when she was there if something arose and she had to fight off someone too. It seemed that today was already going to be a busy day and she had an appointment at 9am. She had gotten to the Hospital at 7:30 that morning to get ready and to talk to some of her younger kids, she had one scheduled at 8am anyway then one at 9 with Jacoby, it didn't bug her. This part of her job kept her mind off of a lot of things and kept her going, along with her Auror work and raising a child she had so many things going on that she was just balancing life at the moment. She was glad her counselor work was only on the week days rather then 7 days a week, then she just had to do auror work, raise a child and be with Tony.

She was getting some paper work out a teal pen, a note pad to write notes on and a fresh file for Jacoby who she would be counseling for then next four months which should be interesting and since now it was about 8:45 she was making sure things were perfect. She changed her hair color to pure white, her eyes remained the moss green and she was happy with her complection, now she was just waiting on Jacoby.

[Jacoby Michaels]

A sigh parted his lips, the smoke from his cigarette drifting between them. He was trying to put the session off as long as he could. He wasn't exactly looking forward to having to answer personal question, having to give this Nerefon some insight into his head. He felt like a bloody hypocrite. Oh, how often he'd pushed Jonathan to see one of these people, and now that he needed to, he was thinking of all the reasons he shouldn't. As he stood outside St Mungos, cigarette nearly finished and being brought to his lips once more, he tried to reason with himself. Convince himself to bolt. Run and never look back. Become an auror elsewhere. Canada, maybe. But that was stupid. It would catch him with him, and not even another country would want him then.

He let out another sigh, tossing the cigarette to the ground. A quick flick of his wand, and it was gone. He decided to go in. He'd rather be an auror, than never be able to find work again. He made his way to the room after being told where to go. Unsure of whether he should enter or knock, he gave the door one quick knock. He wasn't sure how this would go. He wasn't even entirely sure what he should do. All he was sure of was that he wanted to get it over with as quickly as he could.

[Deleted]

She shuffled some of the papers that she had and skimmed why Hecate wanted Jacoby to come see her, that didn't surprise her in the least at least the fact that he was here and that Hecate wanted him to be here and healed. She didn't think much of it and knew that it had to be done though she was not happy about the fact of this to much due to the fact that she had some resentment but then this was a job that she had to do and there isn't much complaining that was to be done. She placed his name at the top of the folder and on a sheet she had written his age, where he worked, a good portion of his biography or part of it that came from Hecate and why he was there.

She sighed a little and looked at her family photo of her, Tony and Sirius and smiled, she loved them both to death and she wouldn't know what she would do without them in her life. Yes it was stressful now with Sirius but he was worth the stress and worth everything else he was her life now and she would do anything for him too and there was no doubt about that. In the photo, Sirius's hair kept changing from Aqua, teal, maroon, to purple, he had no control over it and he would soon enough. She just wished that Peter would have at least seen the child before....before he died it would have made her feel better if he would have said good bye to him once. Thats when she heard the knock on her door and it had jolted her a little making her hair go to hot pink but she made it go back to white.

"Come in." she said kindly as she placed the folder back down on the table and held the note book or pad on her lap waiting.

[Jacoby Michaels]

He had remembered where he'd heard the name before. He'd recalled it the night before, as he'd lain in bed unable to sleep. Eclipse had been the one to mention it to him. Nerefon was an auror, so it was highly likely that he'd heard the name even before Eclipse mentioned it, but he had remembered Eclipse's words. As cryptic as they were. He'd found himself feeling certain that every meeting with her would be uncomfortable. He failed to see how that would help him at all. If anything, he felt like it would worsen the blows. It had been hard enough seeing Hecate sometimes. He hated that the three of them were connected by one single link.

She told him to come in and without any hesitation, he did so. He hesitated at the door. He was still so new to this. He supposed he'd wait for her to do any serious talking. He wasn't sure he'd be able to answer her questions. His personal life was his own, and he was stubborn as a mule. "I'm Jacoby. You're Nerefon, right?" he asked, because he'd rather make sure first. Though he wasn't entirely sure why he felt the need to do so. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that he'd made such silly mistakes a lot lately.

[Deleted]

Nerefon knew that this was going to be hard since there was a link to one person that connected Hecate, Jacoby and herself to and that was going to be a problem. She knew that she had resentment and anger built up in her for the fact that she, in many ways, blamed Jacoby for taking peter away and the fact that Peter didn't want anything to do with his child. That made it difficult for her but then again, Tony had become a great father to Sirius and he loved the child very much and he treated the kid like his own and was a better father then Peter could have been. Plus she blamed herself that she couldn't have saved him, all the times that she had tried, she felt like she was a failure at trying to make sure he tried to get a hang on the change. The sad thing is she had blamed herself for his death too.

"Yes, I am Nerefon. It's finally nice to actually meet you Jacoby. Please take a seat on the couch I won't ask you to lay on it, I am not like that. Do you know, well obviously, why you are here Jacoby?" she asked him.

She held a pen in her hand though she hardly wrote on the paper but she was just making sure of a few things before she started to write. She knew that this was going to be for Hecate too and all the notes she took were going to be copied and sent to her. But it would have to wait, she was just going to make sure herself for that was her duty and how she was. She knew, from Hecate, that this was going to be more trouble then what it was going to seem, since she understood how people were closed off and didn't want to talk about their issues or pain.

[Jacoby Michaels]

Jacoby shifted his weight nervously. Oh, how he could go for another cigarette already. Or caffeine. Either would suffice. But instead, he found himself staring at Nerefon. It was strange knowing that she may harbor some anger toward him. He didn't understand why, but it wasn't the first time someone had, certainly. Didn't Alissa harbor similar anger? She'd definitely resented him for what he'd done. Nevertheless, it felt strange thinking that this person he was staring at now might.

"Nice to meet you, too, I guess," he said, not holding back on the I guess part. Not even wondering if most people would. He sat down as he was asked, leaning forward slightly, eyes on his hands as he folded them together between his knees. He just wanted to get this over with. As quickly and painlessly as possible. Hopefully with as little said on his end as possible. Wouldn't the first time just be a simple evaluation? That's what Jon always said. He supposed this would be different, though. He was here because of work. "Of course I know why I'm here," he said bluntly, "because I messed up at work and they probably want to make sure I'm not completely screwed up before allowing me to return. I guess they assume it's grief counselling."

[Deleted]

She looked up at Jacoby and she felt sadness, not for herself but for him and because of that her hair changed from the white to soft blue with highlights of dark blue. She sighed slightly though she may resent him she knew the pain and she was familiar with it and if they were going to get through this, losing the one person that they so cared for, they would have to do it together. She knew she felt anger towards him but then again she didn't show her pain or frustration towards him, she held it in and would talk to tony about it later at least she had someone to listen as she watched Sirius. She had a feeling that he would hardly speak about the issue and the fact that it would cause both of them pain.

"Well that's a start. But something I expected from you Michaels. I was told of how you speak whats on the surface of your mind without thinking of the consequences of what you are saying till it's to late to hold the words back." she said watching him sit and she had ideal curiosity to enter his mind but then again i the moment came to where he didn't improve she would have to.

"I am glad you know why you are here and our job does this to make sure we are stable enough to continue but if not thats the end of our jobs. Are you grieving Jacoby? Are you holding back the emotions that cause grieving because your afraid that it shows signs of weakness?" she asked writing down notes.

[Jacoby Michaels]

He noticed the change in her hair color. He couldn't help but find himself wondering what it meant. He'd heard that for metamorphmagi, such things could work like mood rings. Changing without warning simply because the witch or wizard's mood had changed. "Blue," he said, words slipping thoughtlessly past his tongue, "A color usually associated with sorrow. There a reason for that?" Yeah, yeah. She was the counselor, not him. He was prepared to hear that. Nevertheless, he spoke what was on his mind. She clearly knew that. And he wanted to know why her hair was blue, so he asked.

He sighed. So, they'd told her a bit about him. He figured he shouldn't be surprised. Some of these people probably knew more about him than he did himself. They documented the most trivial things. Things he'd said and did years ago were probably on the record. Things he probably couldn't even remember saying or doing. He chuckled to himself - perhaps inappropriately - wondering if his files said anything about his caffeine addiction. "I guess that's true," he said indifferently, "Maybe that'll make all this easier. This whole... spilling my soul BS to you. Can't hide the truth if your mouth won't let ya."

He looked at her then, one eyebrow raised in curiosity. The look he gave her said everything before he could even say it. Is she for real? Well, he supposed he was grieving. He figured that should be a given. But the weakness part. That seemed awfully strange to ask. Though, he supposed she was just doing her job. "I was unaware I was holding back emotions," he said nonchalantly, voice almost monotonous as he spoke. "Though, even if I were, isn't that a part of the five stages of grief? Denial or something?"

OOC: >_> I have a feeling he'll be a pain for her lol Ignore his bad grammar. He has that sometimes.

[Deleted]

Though she may be feeling sorrow it wasn't necessarily for herself either though maybe it was but then again it was for Jacoby too. Losing the very person you cared deeply for, it hurt you and left emotional scars on the human emotional state that it was hard to move on and if you could it sometimes took weeks and even up to years to do that. Many who weren't accustom to Metamorphmagi didn't always understand and the fact that they never would be able to actually determine what they were going through because it could mean so many things. Many who actually were right about metamorphmagi or were them, themselves actually called them the mood rings or something that actually could show the emotion of the person just by the changes of expression or even hair which was helpful. She remembered when her hair had turned from blue to bright pink when she was with Tony and he would always know how she felt and that she was happy.

"Blue does associate with Sorrow for that is what blue usually means, sadness and a desperate way to show the pain thats inside. Yes, though there are reasons behind it. I am saddened and sorry for your loss." she said, not really caring if she explained to him, not that it mattered in the least.

She knew him because she had to and the fact that hecate had duplicated most of his file but not all of it so that she would know who he was and why he was here and his actions and reactions to things. Also the fact that he sometimes if not every single time spoke before actually talking, which was common to some people and the fact that she was so used to it, it didn't bother her and the fact rudeness didn't bother or phase her either. She didn't really care what he had done to get landed here but the fact that he was here to get help in order to get the job back was something that she had to do and make sure that he got back. She looked at him and kept her face solemn as she possible so that it wouldn't betray her like so many times it did to close people she cared about.

"Well thats life's hardest lesson in order to survive the world you have to do the things that you don't think will help or the fact that you have to do things that may not even seem possible. What you are doing is not BS you are here to get better and the fact that I am here to help you." she said raising her eyebrow and wrote something on the page before her.

"Yes I am for real. Training does it to you after a while. Many times people don't realize what they are doing for it is just for repetition so that they are familiar with it and to continue doing that to make it comfortable for them. Strangeness is my middle name, I don't do what others expect of me or I do it but not the way they like. Well do you honestly think, if you weren't holding back you would be here, sitting with me talking? Yes it is part of that. You are in denial and the fact that eventually there is anger and you will eventually blame yourself for Peter's death. How close were you with Mr. Fai?" she asked taking more notes not really moving but she used her magic to make the quill to go across the paper itself.

OOC: Oh she will soon enough.

[Jacoby Michaels]

"My loss," he mused with a nod. He was getting quite sick of people thinking they knew what was upsetting him. It was always the same. They always focused only on his - as she called it - loss. (But hadn't it been a loss for many? So how was it his loss? - that's what he thought, anyway) They barely gave him time to explain the other things that were weighing his mind down. And maybe it was selfish of him to want them to ask, but he sure found himself wanting them to. "That shouldn't surprise me," he said nonchalantly. He sighed, "Don't feel sorry for me. The last thing I want is sympathy," Well. He was honest.

He knew that he'd have to behave better than this if he wanted to go back to work. But he had time, didn't he? Wasn't the point of therapy to get better? So, as long as he made progress in the long run, he'd be able to go back to being an auror. Catching the bad guys. Sending them to Azkaban. Feeding them to the dementors. He'd be back soon enough, he was certain of it.

"Who said anything about anything seeming impossible?" he challenged, eyes narrowed in curiosity. He nodded, though he wasn't sure how well he believed it. She was there to do her job, wasn't she? Did she really care whether he got better or not? "Aren't you here because they told you to be?" he said, "I mean, if you hadn't been assigned to me, would you even have approached me to help?"

He sighed. Well, maybe he should start behaving. Talk. Tell her what was on his mind. Not that he truly believed it would change anything. He listened to her talk, eyes drifting slightly. "I'm here because I made a mistake," he said, the words passing his lips too quickly for him to think of them. His heart skipped a beat before he continued speaking.

"Not because I'm holding my grief back. I guess it's easy to assume that's why I made the mistake. But honestly? There's no one I want to talk to it about," Well, that wasn't entirely true. There was Jonathan. But he wasn't speaking to him, so that eliminated that option completely. There was Sheldon, too, but Sheldon had his own world of problems lately. "If there were, I'd speak to them. The reason I made the mistake is because I had not slept the night before. I drank too much the morning off. And I had a lot on my mind. A lot more than just Peter, by the way," he paused, letting out another sigh. Much deeper this time. Well, she was already getting more out of him than he thought she would. Darn that lack of a proper filter.

"Yes I am grieving," he said, sounding slightly defeated as he mentioned it aloud, "And maybe I don't exactly know how to do that. But come on, do any of us?" he looked at her again at her question, watching as she took her notes. He remembered Jon telling him about those notes and how he always wondered what the therapist was writing and he suddenly knew how it felt to wonder just that. "He and I were pretty close," he said, voice sounding strangely calm as he spoke, "I cared about him. A lot."

[Deleted]

"I guess. You think that I am all knowing of how you feel or whats really truly upsetting you Jacoby? I think if I pried enough I could find the source but I feel that I have no incline to do so and have no interest to pry since I prefer to ask and if we don't get to it today, maybe the next time. Oh, it has been a loss for many, not just you but right now we are not focusing on the others we are focusing on you which it is also part of the loss. Well then explain the other things that are weighing you down. No it shouldn't surprise you, do you honestly think I will give you sympathy?" she asked, maybe a little colder then she would have done but then again, it was and seemed to be her tendency of late to be a little cold.

She realized that she was being a little to cold and shut her mouth, it wasn't her job to be this way, it was, however, her job to make sure everyone was getting better mentally. She sighed slightly wishing to be back on the force fighting right then but she had some cases to work on with that with Tony's help. She knew that this was also a way to go through who was dark and who would have tendencies to go dark and become a threat too and that was something she was willing to do too.

"Oh thats our own thoughts on how it will turn out or what we believe in though no one, other then our own selves, think that. I care Jacoby, I cared since the beginning even though I dislike what occurred, that doesn't mean I don't care if you got better, I want you to. Not really I did this because I wanted to get kids through hard times, along with other people, this isn't a real part of the Auror department, this is a recreational job. Yes I would have but then, would you allow me to approach you and help you? For right now it seems clear to me that you want to refuse it." she said raising an eyebrow.

"Everyone makes mistakes Jacoby, its not just you. Painful things, such as death, can make us make mistakes and not take the proper precautions or actions that should be done. I was in a similar boat as you, though not through a death of course but of a loss of a good person for a time." she said recalling when she had lost Tony for a few years and she missed him and that made her go to therapy herself.

"Well isn't it a part of it? Oh really? And why is that if you would talk to them but yet now it seems like you are here talking to a complete stranger but not them? What else is on your mind that really is bothering you or troubling you that you lost sleep and started drinking to repress the depression or the truth?" she asked with a gentle look.

"Well I guess, in all our own way we grieve in a different way, some pretend to ignore it thinking it will go away, others drink their way to death to get rid of the grief, others do drugs, others try to cast spells on themselves and others just wast away in a tragic more quiet dark room away from people who would otherwise force them to a hospital to get better." she said.

She was thinking on how she actually went suicidal and wanted to die from her grief and the fact that she had always thought that she wasn't good enough for Tony. She had slit her wrists, tried to destroy everything that Tony had loved about her and this was before she met Peter and the fact that Tony came back with partial memories. Though eventually she had gone out in public and Hecate, after being harmed by a dark wizard, took her and helped her through the hard time she was facing. She was thankful and she had to go to therapy which seemed to really help but now that she had a child and Tony in her life it seemed to help her a lot more to be able to talk to Sirius and to Tony about her problems.

"As in friend close? I guess details don't matter, just a yes or no questions with even a vague filler in there. Who didn't care about him a lot? He had many people who would have helped him and cared a lot." she said sadly as she thought about how she wished there was a way to help him through the stuff he was going through.

[Jacoby Michaels]

"No," he snapped, eyes finding her once more. He thought he'd made it perfectly clear that that wasn't what he thought at all. Hadn't he essentially said the exact opposite. "I don't think you or anyone else knows how I feel. Not that I've given you a chance to. Or anyone. What bothers me isn't that I feel like you should but that people act like they do," he took a deep breath, allowing his gaze to wander away from her.

"Fine," he continued, voice calming as he spoke, "We'll talk about me. About my loss. And the things weighing me down. As I'm sure that's the best course for me to take. If I'm to get my job back. As far as whether I think you would give me sympathy or not, I don't bloody know. Nor do I particularly care," he sighed, letting out another deep breath. This wasn't as easy as he'd hoped it would be. He didn't even notice she'd been cold. He probably wouldn't have cared even if he had. He wasn't very intuitive of those things.

"You do?" he challenged, doubt obvious in his voice. He had some trouble believing that. Not because he felt like he wasn't worth caring about. He definitely didn't have self image problems. But because he thought it impossible to care about someone you didn't really know. "And how many times have you spoken to me before now? Maybe all of once? It's not a matter of getting better. I'm not sick. I'm grieving, but I'm not sick."

He nodded. He didn't really care whether it was a real part of the department or not. He didn't think that's what he'd asked. Perhaps that was simply how she'd interpreted it. "Probably," he admitted, "But it's not because I don't want help. It's because I don't want help from a stranger. Which you are," he sighed, exasperation showing through. "I know I'm not the only one who makes mistakes. To err is human."

He shrugged. Perhaps it was a part of it. He probably wouldn't have drank all that liquor if he hadn't felt so painfully numb the night before. "Maybe," he admitted, "It just sucks thinking that he's gone," Always so descriptive of his emotions (except, not really), such a reply was typical of him. "I never drank before it. Well, occasional I'd have a drink or two with Jon. But I didn't like it," he sighed again. He hated the way she worded her next thoughts. It made his temper flare again as his eyes found her.

"Because one of them doesn't want to even look at me let alone acknowledge the fact that I am still breathing the same air as him and the other has more important things on his plate," he snapped a bit defensively, "Do you think I'd be here if I didn't have to?" he shook his head. He hated hearing her use the word depression. That seemed so... so like Jonathan. "I used to think I'd always be happy alone. I guess I'm finally realizing how wrong I was."

He shrugged. He didn't know much about grief. He'd watched Jon grieve once. After he lost his youngest daughter. It had been hard seeing someone he cared about go through that. That was probably the closest he'd come to it. "As in closer than that," he said, the answer vague but enough to give away the meaning. "That he did," he added, voice dropping as he spoke.

OOC: I feel it's not that great. >> Hope it works.

[Deleted]

She just watched him snap and get through with his temper, that was what she had to do, that was part of the job that she had to go through, though she didn't like being treated like this, since she was verbally abused along with several things from her uncle. Though she so wanted to get up and slap him across the face and realize that he didn't have to take her anger out on her, she was just trying to help and it was not her duty to be treated like she was a little child or something similar. She felt her own temper flare though this time she had it under control which was surprising and the fact that she had a bad one for a while. She continued to watch in concern but also in anger though she did nothing about her anger but her concern shown clear.

“Probably not in the exact same way Jacoby but the emotions are very similar, just because it may be different to a point doesn’t make it at all different on an emotional bases. No you haven’t let us in. Your not the only person who has emotions Jacoby or did you forget that we are all humans and not gods and you’re the only one that has a large range of emotions you feel that the rest of us with teaspoon amount of emotion should see? We aren’t alike but the emotion is the exact same we just go through the change differently.” She said her hair going from the blue to flame red for anger.

“It’s a start for you. Since right now this isn’t about everyone else for everyone else didn’t get put on suspension. It is the best course at least and that’s the only one or not get your job back. I would have and still would regardless and I don’t care at this moment of time if you care or not, I am here to do my job by making sure your mentally stable for this session and get back home to my Fiancé and son.” She said still cold but she soothed herself to go back to the white now as she watched him though her quill and parchment were charmed to take the exact notes as she sat there with nothing in her hands.

“Yes Jacoby, I care for everyone regardless if I know them or not and it is so obvious that you doubt what I am telling you for that I don’t blame you. I help those in need and even when they aren’t in need on a medical sense of the term. I will not explain me to you for you probably don’t want anything to do with it. Once yes and the reason for that, however, is because of our job, I am away from the office so often that the only time I am there or even close to the ministry is when I go straight to Hecate. I know very well what it is Jacoby, your not the first person through my office that has been grieving. This is to help you cope through the grief.” She said hair starting to turn orange, yellow and red again as her temper was flaring again.
“Well you will either deal with me ‘the stranger’ or lose your job. Either way you are in a predicament regardless so this way or you will be in worse then what you are. I know I am a stranger and that, I know how that goes. You either take my help or you don’t.” she said as her hair turned straight to the flame it had began to become.

“It does. Sometimes what we lose the most isn’t what we expect and the one thing we care so much about too. Well Alcohol is a anti-depressant and for this, it’s a way to get away or dull the painful ache down to what your feeling during this time.” She said knowingly.

“Is it because you did something to wrong him or the fact that there is some trouble that made him disappointed in you that you did recently? Well everyone has a lot on their plate regardless and to be honest that’s life. You wouldn’t be but then again, you wouldn’t be on suspension either if you had someone who wasn’t either 1. Angry with you or the fact they don’t recognize you, or 2. Has to much on their plate to deal with or help you with your problems. Thus that leaves me the closest thing that can help you.” She said angrily.

She watched him and her heart hurt for the same person but in the way that she used to but she still cared enough for the man that died and she felt obligated to help Jacoby for him. She sighed wishing that there was more that she could have done, more that she could have said to him but then again, how much could she do now. She waited and when Jacoby spoke she looked up at him her hair back to blue.

“He loved the people he did care a lot about. I am glad you had the time with him that you did Jacoby that you got that close. I am glad you made him happy where some of us couldn’t. He has a knack for that.” She said with a small smile.

OOC: It works, I could have written more and it feels vague to me right now but its better then nothing.

[Jacoby Michaels]

Jacoby could be a jerk. Anyone who had ever cared about him could point that out. Hell, Jacoby himself could admit it. He had a way of getting under someone's skin. A way of making them feel as though he were intentionally verbally abusing them. It wasn't the case. Often he was unaware that what he was saying could be hurtful at all. Besides, he had long ago accepted being a jerk. In some strange way, he liked it. And what was wrong with accepting yourself as you were? Isn't that exactly what everyone expected you to do? Or did it only count if you were just like them?

"You're twisting my words," he accused, voice even and unperturbed as he spoke, "You're taking my words and distorting them completely. Nowhere did I say that I think I'm the only one with a broad emotional range. In fact, that could not be further from the truth. It's funny you bring up the emotional range of a teaspoon, since that's what my ex-wife and Jonathan always accused me of having," he ranted, voice fast but still even, "Is this supposed to be therapeutic? Because it isn't. And I disagree. The emotion is not the same. What one person experiences is not the same as another person," so maybe that was his inability to understand empathy speaking, that didn't change the fact that he truly believed it.

"Red," he said dully, "That color is often associated with anger. Do I make you angry?" he narrowed his eyes, "I kind of like that about people with your ability. Emotions are the hardest freaking thing for me to see in other people. But with you guys, it's as plain as day," He leaned back in the chair, arms folded defensively across his chest. "Fine," he said, equally as dull, "Jonathan, says that for these first sessions you often have to fill out paperwork. Answer a bunch of yes and no questions. That sounds easier than this. But I'm guess that isn't an option in my case? Isn't it easier to grasp my... um, stability if you know what's going on in my head? Instead of sticking a knife right into the freshest wound?" Well, that was a creative analogy. He couldn't help it, though. It slipped right out.

As she spoke again, he checked his watch. Perhaps a tactless move on his part, but when was Jacoby ever known to display any matter of tact? It wasn't like he learned how to through his upbringing. His mother had been the most tactless, rude woman he had known. And though he'd once vowed not to be like her, he had turned out to be just like her. Right down to being neglectful to his children. "You're right," he said, "I don't want anything to do with it," he sighed, "Coping and getting better aren't the same. Jon once told me that you don't get better after someone you love dies. I never knew what he meant. The whole... death thing never really made sense to me, I guess. But now I do. There is no getting better. As Jon would say, there is only learning how to live. It's a matter of knowing how to get to that point. And you're right. I do need help. Because I don't know how to do that."

At least he admitted it. "I'm sorry for speaking the truth," he mumbled bitterly, eyes checking his watch again. The minute hand had barely moved at all since he came in. "It's because he thinks I'm a liar," he said honestly, eyes finding her once more, "Though I'm not. Not technically. I never lied to him. At least, not to hurt him. More or less to protect him," That was more than he'd ever said about it to anyone but Marcus. Maybe it was that lack of a filter, or maybe he really just wanted to talk about it. He'd never know for sure. "That's not what I meant," he said, "He has a lot on his plate from other things. An attack. He's handling it pretty well, actually. Hasn't interfered with his job, so obviously. But I still don't want to go to him."

He nodded, "He did. He might not have always shown it in the right way. But he did. I'm glad I did, too," he sighed, shaking his head, "It's just been hard since it happened. I think what bothers me the most isn't that he's gone. Yes, that bothers the hell out of me. I miss him. But, Airous. There was just nothing I could do. And Airous was beside himself," he sighed again, "I guess that would be guilt? Which is, if I remember correctly, normal?"

OOC: He's calming a bit lol Still might take more than that. But we're getting somewhere.

[Deleted]

"Maybe and maybe not but that shouldn't matter and you should realize that some times people will think differently when it comes to how and what you say regardless of the situation at hand. Some will take it as something nice where others will twist them and use them to their advantage and I have no advantage any way so why would I want to do such a thing to you. Do you? Well maybe it's how you show it Jacoby. No, its not but the emotion could vary or someone could feel empathy and that person would know what it does feel like." She said cooling her own self down before talking again.

"Red. Red can mean as a negative: aggressive and domineering, over-bearing, tiring, angry and quick-tempered, ruthless, fearful and intolerant, rebellious and obstinate, resentful, violent and brutal. As a positive: action, energy and speed, attention-getting, assertive and confident, energizing, stimulating, exciting, powerful, passionate, stimulating and driven, courageous and strong, spontaneous and determined. Sometimes and recently yes. Well glad you can understand us better though because of our ability." she said as she remembered what the colors meant.

"Well yes that too and I do have paperwork for you to fill out. Well yes and I could look if I so choose and erase those memories and make you stable again but that would be going against my code. Sometimes but in others it's easier to do the stabbing in the freshest wound to get it over with." she said grabbing some paper work that discussed depression and what he had to fill out and many other things to do with color and what had to do with his sleeping patterns.

"Not its not. There is not really getting any better and it is just being able to live with the fact that the person you love is no longer there and you have to find a way to continue with your life. Yes thats right. Thats why I am helping you Jacoby, for you to get through this and learn how to do that." she said gently her hair going to bright purple.

"I would rather have the truth then not having it at all for the truth after a lie is hard to take in. Well....why does he think your a liar and what made him change his mind if you were truthful before? Sometimes lying to protect someone is not always the best choice. Did you try to explain why you did what you did to him?" she said.

"Well I know how that goes but sometimes we learn from that. I know him he is a good guy and knowing him he would try to help you regardless, as would I. Thats up to you and that is your choice." she said as she stapled the papers together for him.

"Thats very true. He always had a different way of showing it regardless and well that was him. I am glad I knew him too. I bet it was for you, that must have been horrible for you trying to make sure that he didn't going nuts and to handle your own loss as well. We, when we see something like that and we just can't do anything about it even if we didn't do it, causes guilt and its only natural. Yes it is." she said gently and she looked at him as if she was an understanding sibling.

OOC: Thats true. I wouldn't be surprised if He and Nera had a fight.