[Hecate] can't think of a title

[Jacoby Michaels]

It had been an accident. A big accident. He hadn't made one like it in years. In fact, as he returned to the auror department - coffee, black firmly in his hand - he couldn't recall the last time he'd screwed up so badly. What made it worse was that Sheldon was with him. He couldn't blame Sheldon for ratting him out. If Sheldon hadn't done so, they probably would have both taken the fall. He would have done the same thing if he'd been in Sheldon's place. Still, he couldn't help but feel bitter toward the younger auror. Perhaps it had little to do with Sheldon himself, and more to do with the stress that was slowly boiling over. Whatever the reason, Jacoby wasn't the type to analyze such things.

He'd messed up a lot lately. In fact, the more he thought about it the more he realized he'd been doing nothing but messing up the past several months. He'd decided not to wallow in it. He loved his job and because of that, he'd decided to spend even more time at it, dedicate even more of his life to it. With Peter gone (and dead, though he didn't like to say that word aloud), the house was now always quite literally empty. He would have taken Trish's yelling back to end that silence. He now understood what Jon had meant when he once told Jacoby that he wouldn't understand how painful the silence was after such a loss until he experienced it himself.

He took a deep breath, holding it in for several seconds as his eyes scanned the room. All the other aurors were going on about their days, not having to deal with the confrontation he was about to be stuck in. It didn't help that he'd been drinking before work yesterday. The day the dark wizard got away. He was sure Sheldon had been kind enough to point out that detail. Sheldon had certainly pointed out that he could smell it. He took a long drink of his delicious caffeine and headed for her office. He gave the door two quick knocks, letting out the breath he'd been holding. There's no time like the present.

OOC: Hope it works. I'll come up with a title later. xD Sorry for length. Got a little... muse happy.

[Deleted]

Hecate was having the worst time dealing with her loss. It had been the worst time and everything seemed to be falling apart around her. Though she may seem cool and collected on the outside and that she even seemed normal, but inside she was dying, she was dying how could she deal with the loss of Peter. She may be with Riley now but the pain of losing Peter was something harder to deal with and she was glad that Riley was there to comfort her at night and that she wasn't always alone but the part of her heart that belonged to Peter felt empty, gone a black pit of nothing. She also seemed to be snapping a lot at people, taking it out on them when she didn't want to and she would always apologize for that and she knew they didn't deserve the snapping.

She held up her Styrofoam cup of coffee reading reports. Though she was stressed, she still had to do her job and she was not going to back down because of a death that bothered her for the work still had to be done regardless, it wouldn't get done by itself just because of a death. When Sheldon had come in telling her what had happened and that Jacoby had let a Dark Wizard get away and not only that but drinking before coming to work he had said that he could smell it on him, that was unlike Jacoby, he was so dedicated to the force. How could he have done this, he hardly left the office and he always was there on time and he even put in over time, he was really dedicated to the department that this didn't seem right to her. She just didn't really think that he would mess up this badly, she took another sip of her carmel flavored coffee while she flipped the page of the report that she was reading and she shook her head.

She sighed putting her cup down on her desk and held her head in her hands overly stressed out. She couldn't let the tears run like she wanted them to for that was, to her a sign of weakness and she didn't want that especially here of all places. She then took out a photo album from a drawer in her desk, laid it on her desk and opened it to the first page, this album was of her and peter when they were younger and in school, when they were still together before they split and he married her best friend and Airous and his other brother came into the world. The first picture was of them at hogsmead having a snow ball fight and laughing when one hit his face which was pretty funny. She smiled as the memories flooded her as she flipped through the book but the emotions of loss was there and hurt as well for she never could let him go she wouldn't and now that he was gone, it hurt more, it was to quiet to her now.

She was full of regret. If she could have been there could have done anything to save him she would have, she was blaming herself for the death and the last thing she ever said to him was what was killing her too. How could she have been so nice to him and then eventually hate him that very same day? She continued to beat herself up for what happened even though it was not her fault that he had died it was not even Airous's or any one else's. She knew that there was no way for her to bring him back and that no matter what she did it wouldn't save him from himself, though she could use a time turner but then again it would change way to many things for there are always consequences for actions if you meddle with the past. She put the Album away and took another drink of her coffee just as there came a knock on her office door. 'Oh good. He came' She thought.

"Enter and please have a seat." she said more sternly then she would have but under pressure she wasn't surprised.

OOC: Sorry for the length. I got a little happy. Also if there was a little godmodding I am sorry just kinda writing it so it lined up with yours.

[Jacoby Michaels]

He heard her tell him to enter. Well, this was it. Whatever she was going to tell him, he'd be hearing it soon. He couldn't deny that he was nervous, though he tried to hide it as best as he could. He wasn't sure he was doing a good job. He wasn't sure whether she'd be able to see through him or not. He took another deep breath, letting it out quicker than the last. As he reached for the knob, he took another sip of his coffee, allowing it to burn his tongue as it went down.

He entered then, eyes averting Hecate's gaze as he closed the door behind him. He felt certain that he was going to get it. Letting someone who had merely exploded the wrong potion in a Muggle bathroom go was one thing. Letting a dangerous dark wizard go was in a completely different category. He had done the latter. If he were in Hecate's position, he knew that he would have been rough on himself. And he knew that he would have deserved it. He took a seat across from her, afraid to speak. Instead, he found himself thumbing mindlessly at his cup waiting for her to speak. He wasn't sure how he would explain himself. He didn't think that anything justified what he did.

[Deleted]

As she waited for him to enter she placed the papers back in their correct files and placed them in a neat stack in alphabetical order on her left side of the desk so she can go through them again and read the ones she hadn't gotten to. She had so much work ahead of her that she just wished to get this over with but then again she couldn't take this lightly and it was something that had to be taken critically. She knew what she must do but then again it was either put him on suspension, leave of absence, or remove him from the department but then again she was not willing to lose him as an Auror. She folded her hands on the table with his records and other paper work and other things that were needed for this though she just wanted to just let it go but that was not appropriate, there had to be something done in order to teach him a lesson.

She could not deny that what she had to do was what had to be done and under the circumstances the two Auror in training people he had, Airous and Eclipse, would be put under someone else until he came back and was sober to be back. She would find a suitable substitute for both of them even if that meant taking both under her own wing if she had to or having Nera or Tony help train them for the time being if so. She sighed slightly, why was it that Peter caused so much trouble for her, to get her so stressed especially when everything else is going on, why did have to die on her, Airous, Willow, and Sirius?

She watched Jacoby enter, though not taking her eyes off of him and as he he shut the door she coughed slightly. The energy in the room shifted and she tensed slightly though from what she had to do rather then Jacoby himself. This was going to be worse then she thought, no one really hardly disobeyed but there were a few suspensions here and there but nothing to this extreme. She was furious he had let a dangerous dark wizard go and not only that but also intoxicated on that as well, that was uncalled for and she knew that this was what had to be one thing she had to do now regardless of how much she cared for everyone.

"Do you know why you are here don't you, Jacoby? Sheldon had come to talk to me. He told me the strangest story about the day before. Would you care to explain to me why this occured?" she asked rather harshly not taking her eyes off of him.

[Jacoby Michaels]

He could feel her eyes on him. Even as he kept his focus on the coffee cup he held between the palms of his hands, he could feel her eyes on him. Following him. The cough made him tense slightly, but he tried to keep it hidden. He could only find himself hoping that she wasn't going to fire him. Unpaid suspension would even be better than that. But with everything that had happened in the past several months, being fired would likely push him right over the edge. He'd check into bedlam himself.

He didn't want to think about Peter, nor what had happened that day Airous had sought him out. He still saw it sometimes when his mind was racing. Usually when he should have been working. Perhaps, that was part of the problem. Part of why he'd been screwing up so much lately. But it wasn't just Peter. He couldn't even recall the last time Jon had spoken to him. He just remembered that it had ended in That was a pretty big lie. I never want to see you again. Or something along that line, anyway. All those things were on his mind as she stared at him.

"Yes," he replied carefully, still averting her gaze even as she addressed him. He added "Ma'am," as an afterthought. Though, it felt weird to that day addressing her as such. After all, she was about the same age as him, wasn't she? If he thought back hard enough, he was sure they attended Hogwarts together. Though he didn't think he'd ever spoken to her then. He didn't speak to many people. "I know what I did was bad," he said carefully, eyes still staring at his cup rather than her, "and I take full responsibility for it. I've been under a lot of stress, which I guess doesn't excuse it, but I have let it interfere anyway," Finally, his eyes met hers as he said, "I truly am sorry. It won't happen again."

[Deleted]

If things were simple for her it would be a life without a purpose and it would be to simple and that was not a life at all in her opinion and she wanted a life to live that had a good purpose regardless of the pain and thats what she was living now. For all this, it seemed that no matter what, it didn't seem good enough she had tried so hard to keep him safe but in the end it didn't even matter for she lost it all, she lost it all the day he died. Everything was falling apart the only thing keeping her together was her family especially the little ones for they were the light in her life as well.

She noticed him tense, it was always easy to tell when people tensed though she didn't blame him for that, if she was in his place she would have tensed too and she knew that anyone would. She could be a little intimidating when it came down to it and she knew that it was something that she relied on in everything especially here since she didn't want to seem weak around these people. The main question was if she should fire or suspend for now. Well she would go with suspension since this really was the major thing that happened on his record and this would be his one last warning to him. She sighed knowing that something really was bugging him, something that would be making him act like this, to make him screw up so badly.

She kept thinking on many things lately on how her life was at the school with Peter, how it seemed almost perfect and that she was happy then. What happened to them then? What really made them separate? Why was she so distant with him in the end? It seemed like everything was falling apart then after school ended and they both came to the ministry to work but then he found her best friend, got married and then had kids. She remembered that she and Peter never had a good relationship after their break up they were always fighting, always arguing but yet...they both still cared in the end to a point.

"I am glad to know that you understand fully well why you are here. If the circumstances were different then what they are this wouldn't be taking place but because of the severity of the circumstances this can not be taken lightly." she said going through his file now.

"It was not only bad but it was inexcusable to let your personal life interfere with your work that caused this to happen which caused us to lose a highly dark wizard go in which case we now have to re locate him and send someone else to capture him and bring him in. I know you will take full responsibility for what you have done. Stress can not interfere with our job Jacoby, yes our line of work is stressful, I get that, but getting stressed in a middle of a battle is not excusable we are trained to shove the stress away. No, it doesn't excuse you in the least." she said she sounded extremely harsh and though she was angry and stressed herself she had to do something and keep her strength like this.

"Many have told me that I should fire you for what you have done, though they would, if they were in my office for the same reason, would get the same punishment. I know you are sorry for what you have done but sometimes that is not enough, you are a good hard working Auror Jacoby but I can't let this happen again." she said still thinking on an action.

[Jacoby Michaels]

He shifted in his seat uncomfortably, coffee cup still glued to his hands. Jacoby was brash, tactless, and often unpredictable. One would think he should be indifferent to social situations, but the exact opposite was actually the case. He was brash because he was uncomfortable, not the other way around. He'd forget all the social norms they nailed into his head in school and all filters would be off. But if that happened now, he would likely be in a world of trouble. He didn't want to lose his job because he couldn't hold his tongue.

He had a lot on his mind, but he was trying so hard to push it to the furthest, darkest corners of it. Judging by the decisions he'd made in recent weeks, it was pretty easy to tell that it wasn't working. It seemed that no matter what he did, his mind wandered. He was losing focus, getting distracted, even doing what Jonathan could always only describe as getting lost in his own little world. He could remember Jon once asking him after he spaced out Where do you go? He couldn't answer, and he wasn't sure he wanted to.

"I know," he said simply, words slipping out quicker than he could process them. As per usual for the auror. "And I understand that, too," He took another sip of caffeine, to keep himself from saying something he'd regret rather than for the caffeine. He watched as she went through his file, wondering in silent curiosity what was in there. He hadn't done anything wrong until that point. At least, not that would be on record.

He listened as she spoke to him, head bowed again, eyes on the lid of his cup as he continued to thumb at it. He hated this, but he tried his best to hide it. He felt like a child again, being reprimanded for pushing someone in the schoolyard. "I know we are," he said carefully, trying his best to actually think about his words before speaking them. (What was it that Jonathan always told him? To talk without thinking is to shoot without aiming.) It was hard for Jacoby, though. "And I usually can," he continued, "And I'll do whatever needs to be done to keep this job," even if it meant speaking to a professional, he was willing to take that chance.

The mere mention of the word fire was enough to make many people cower in fear. Jacoby was no exception to the rule. He was sure his eyes widened at the suggestion. He was not afraid to admit that his work was literally all he had. Heck, he wasn't even sure how he'd make it through a suspension. "And it won't," he said, the words slipping out before he could think about them, "If you just give me one more chance, I'll prove it," he bit his tongue to stop himself from saying anything further, taking yet another sip of coffee in an attempt to keep his mouth shut.

[Deleted]

Hecate wondered what Jacoby was thinking. She understood where people would either be to nervous, awkward or very uncomfortable with people of power or even who are the leaders or in anything else as well. When in school she was very uncomfortable with social events until about her fourth year where it didn’t matter anymore and she had no problem with speaking to people and became part of the teams and also became prefect and Head girl when she was in school. So talking wasn’t the hard part, sometimes she just had a hard time controlling her temper, that was the hard thing to do.

She looked down at her hands and smiled at her engagement ring and touched it with her index fingers. She remembered when Riley gave it to her, though at the time he hadn’t recognized her because his memory was gone. She would do anything for him and she would never leave him, not now, not ever and she would give her life for him and she knew he would do the same. She sighed thinking how much everyone meant to her, even her people here meant the world to her too.

“I am glad to know that you understand how what I have to do will not come easily and that it can not be taken lightly. Where there comes grave mistakes comes grave consequences which we all have to learn the hard way.” She said, just like her father, he would always tell them that but her father liked her best out of the three of the kids he had with her mother.

“Your record is clean, as a standard for which I must take a look at to determine what to do with you. Glad you remember that. Jacoby…you try so hard, you are one of the most dedicated worker in this field, you hardly ever go home, hardly do anything but live and breath this place. I know you will.” She said for the first time understanding.

She continued to think before she answered him, she wanted to make sure that she made the right choice in what she did and if she made the wrong choice…well humans made mistakes. She knew Jacoby well enough to know that he was a hard working Auror who dedicated his time and effort to their line of work and that he had never screwed up this horribly before. She knew that she would have to give him a second chance give him a chance to redeem himself in order to prove that this was just a stress disorder of sorts they all got them.

“I hope that it won’t and I hope that what I am thinking, will make you think about this and that what you have done. I know you are struggling Jacoby, your not the only one that is suffering from the loss. I understand where you are coming from.” She said leaning back in her chair.

“If I do give you this one last chance I still will have to think what I have to do with you. The reason why is because you have two Aurors in training under you right now, Eclipse and Airous and if I do decide what to do with you I will need to find them another Auror to be under.” She said.

[Jacoby Michaels]

It wasn't that Hecate was the head auror. Not really. Sure, part of the reason he was nervous was because he was smart enough to know that she could easily make or break his career, but that was really only a portion of the problem. It was still the temper thing. Because Jacoby had a bad temper. A bad temper and an impulsive nature. That had been clear when he'd completely lost it on that Muggle game he and Jonathan played. Resorting to swear words as he yelled at that other guy. His tongue flew faster than his mind could ever think.

His eyes followed her gaze to her hand, the engagement ring clear as day. The sight caused him to look away quickly, taking another good, long sip of coffee. Wasn't it a symbol of a relationship? Something he was currently bitter about because every one he'd been in had come to a bitter end. For a brief moment, he envied her. And that almost made him angry enough to say the wrong thing. Almost. But he bit down hard on his tongue, not caring whether he drew a bit of blood in the process. And then he took another long drink of coffee to swallow the words down. He didn't want to wallow. He felt he was above that. As he sat there, he decided the only thing he needed was a good, long sleep. Which was something he hadn't had in a long time.

"And I'm willing to accept those consequences," he said. Though not even he was sure whether or not those words were true. "I take pride in that fact," he replied, knowing well that his record wasn't just clean, but squeaky clean. He supposed that wouldn't be the case any longer. Now he'd have this on it. "This work... it's my life. And once I get through whatever is required of me, I know I can be just as dedicated as I was. I know I can," he said, the words slipping out quickly.

Her words gave him pause. He could feel a lump in his throat, but he refused to let any tears show. And he didn't. Any tears that may have been lingering somewhere in his eyes remained put. He'd save those for later. There was nothing he hated more than crying in front of other's. Especially other aurors. "I know I'm not," he said quietly, "And I know you do. It's just..." he didn't finish the thought. He didn't want to. After all, the loss of Peter wasn't the only thing weighing on his mind. Sure, it played a large role. Larger than he cared to admit. He'd never had to grieve anyone, but a dog he'd lost when he was a teenager. And the dog had never prepared him for this. He didn't quite understand what he was going through. But Peter wasn't the only thing looming in his mind. He didn't want to talk about that, though. Unless he had to discuss it with a required therapist.

His head snapped up at the mention of Eclipse and Airous. He hadn't quite liked the idea of training them at first, but he'd actually grown used to it. Had come to like it in a way. He had hoped against hope that the training could resume once he returned. But it was obvious that probably wouldn't be the case now. "I understand," he said, though the disappointment was in his voice, "I'm sure there are many other's who would be willing to take them under their wing. I can recommend a few. Having worked with them for some time, I might know who they'd work best with."

[Deleted]

She finally decided to close the file knowing very well his file was clean, up till now and that there was a way to make sure that he understood what had happened and that this would mean suspension though many had advised her to fire him, that was not the case. Their files may not be the cleanest but here, at least Jacoby's was and that proved something in his favor which was a good thing. She knew of his impulsive nature, his temper and the way that he had a hard time keeping his mouth shut, which she was surprised he was keeping it shut which also proved that he did have some self control.

She smiled down at the ring, she was happy for once about this and though, when younger, she had dreams that it would one day would have been peter but that was when she was still in school. Now it made no sense and though she may still care and love Peter but in a different way, she couldn't picture herself with him but with Riley instead. Her relationships were long with some men but then again they were never good they were always horrible to some way or extent but now with the man she was with, it was healthy and clean and thats what she enjoyed the most. She let out a small sigh again shaking her head getting herself out of memories.

"I am glad you are willing to accept this. I know you do and the fact that you take pride in your work and the fact that you have put in so many hours in here that it would impress others at how much you care about your work and your duty to the force. I have seen that it is. I know you will, thats who you are Jacoby." she said honestly.

"Jacoby...losing a person or someone special is hard. I understand that pain I am suffering under it as well. Peter had his faults like everyone else does but he was a good friend, a good hearted guy and I miss him a lot. Would you like to talk about it?" she asked kindly.

She watched him as he remembered the students, in ways though aurors in training, he was taking under his wing. She also had a few people in her mind that would be good at teaching them, to train them in the training though both are doing fairly well and better then most in their training. She could hear the disappointment that was smothered in his voice and she raised her eyebrow at him in understanding and in wonder since at first he didn't want to do such a thing but now he wanted to continue.

"I know that many others would who would take them under their wing. Who would you recommend? I would like to hear. Jacoby, don't worry, I have a plan set up that if I choose to suspend you and you return they can be reassigned back to you." she said waiting to hear.

OOC: I have been debating for a while how long to suspend. I was thinking roughly a month to 3. Whats your opinion?

[Jacoby Michaels]

He seemed to relax a bit when his file was closed. Even though he knew there was nothing bad or incriminating in there, merely knowing she was thumbing through it had been enough to tense him up. As he was sure would be the case for any auror in his current predicament. He wondered idly if there were notes about his temper, or his impulsive nature, and if they would even feel a need to note it. But of course they would. Both were things that could, theoretically, get him into trouble.

He listened to her words, ego slightly stroked. He knew there was some truth in them, though. He didn't have to question that. He had dedicated most of his adult life to his work. And barring Marcus and this recent wizard (the latter of which was obviously known), his success rate was fairly high. There had been a few times when he'd had to throw his hands in the air and surrender, but he still possessed a try and try again personality. "It is," he agreed, "and I want to continue being that person," Well, that was the first time he'd said it aloud. It felt like he'd admitted to changing recently, which caused him to pause and want to eat his words. But he'd already spoken them, so it was too late now.

He turned to face her again, choking up almost the instant she spoke Peter's name out loud. He almost told her to drop it, to shut up and leave him alone about it. But he found himself downing another drink of coffee to present himself from doing so. "I don't know," he said instead, "Maybe. Maybe not. Aren't you going to... send me to someone else for that, anyway?" he said, assuming that would be the case. It had been when his now retired auror friend had been suspended for a similar reason. Though, Hecate hadn't been the head at the time.

"Okay," he replied, a sense of relief in his voice. As anti social as he could seem at times, even he grew attached to people. He just had a strange and funny way of showing it. Jonathan always supposed it was because Jacoby was emotionally ignorant. Jacoby never argued with that logic. "Well, I know Sheldon wouldn't mind," he said, "He's young, but he knows what he's doing," he gave a shrug, ready to suggest more should she ask. But he supposed she may take in one of them.

OOC: I actually couldn't remember any aurors other than him, Hecate, and Sheldon lol Had a mind block there. xD ANYWAY. I was thinking it would just be long enough for him to be like... evaluated or what have you. So maybe a couple months?

[Deleted]

She smiled and put his file away. The only things that were in there were the fact that he had a temper and a few other things but that was personality, just like her brother who also had a problem with his temper and the fact he liked to run his mouth. That was what made her put her brother in suspension as well but there was more to it then just that, he had nearly attacked Selene, Airous and Willow on the school grounds when he was even supposed to be there, thus suspension was crucial. She didn't need her brother acting like that on duty and of course it was against the rules of which was in place before she became the head of the department.

As she watched him, she knew he had dedicated a lot of time here and maybe it was time he got a break, got some well deserved time off and to rest. She would eventually take him back after he got over this and healed from the loss and the fact that what he did was not right in her eyes. Though she understood that there were mistakes that could have been made but sometimes, something like this was not a mistake but something that could have been preventable. She understood that there were times that they had to throw their hands up and then go on their way but other times they had no choice but continue fighting with what they had in order to protect, thats what they were there for.

"I know Jacoby and I hope that too. Knowing what I do about you, you will still have that temper and mouth on you for that, I can't see changing in the least but then again, sometimes its best to say things like what you do out." she said thinking of the several time she did that with peter when she was pissed off at him to the max cause of his stupidity sometimes and she wished that she had a chance to tell him that she still cared.

She noticed that he choked up and she became instantly concerned she would have done the same thing in his place but she couldn't let the tears fall now, it would be a sign of weakness to her. She talked to Riley about how she felt and had ended up crying for a while at night, most nights now but at least she had Riley, though she didn't know exactly who Jacoby had to count on. She lowered her head thinking about the good times with Peter and then lifted her head tucking her hair behind her ears.

"Sometimes the pain of losing someone, we never actually know until it sometimes is to late to take action to get the right help that we need in order to move on. Look, Jacoby, I have known him since we were in Hogwarts, Peter and I were together then I know what it's like to lose him. I lost not only his wife, my best friend, but I lost the man I had once loved as well. Don't underestimate me when I know what you are going through. I am going to send you to someone to talk about this because everyone needs someone to talk to." she said and took out an old picture of Peter and herself when they were still in school.

"This was him and I in our fourth year. We were friends before we started dating but half way through our fourth year we started dating though by our seventh we broke apart and thats when he found my other best friend and fell in love with her. I had gone to their wedding and am godmother to their child, Airous. He and I had many good shared memories though he and I would always fight up until now because of how we used to feel about each other. I just thought you should know a little bit of that Jacoby." she said gently.

"Sheldon is a good Auror, in ways like you are, though a little less....well a little different. He knows what he is doing, though young he still knows his job. Any others?" She asked though knowing that she would most likely take Eclipse or Airous though maybe the pressure of her training either one of them it would be little bit harder and it would make them tense though she would have to speak to them both about it first. She just wanted to know what he thought in regards of people finishing up the training of both Airous and Eclipse who both of the trainees were hard at work on training, they both were dedicated though she worried about Airous.

OOC: Sounds good to me. I was thinking a couple of months.

[Jacoby Michaels]

His eyes met hers as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He couldn't help but wonder what was going through her mind. He supposed she felt he needed this break. Maybe he was just assuming, but lately it seemed that everyone thought he did. It had even been one of the last things Jon had said to him. But he thought everyone that suggested it completely mad. Work was the only thing keeping him sane. In the hours he spent at home - alone those days - all sanity was thrown out the window. He liked spending time by himself, but there was a difference between solitary and loneliness. He supposed he'd just have to find something else to do. Other work to busy himself in. After all, hadn't that been what he'd done most of his life?

He chuckled at her words. Well, he couldn't argue with them. He'd likely always have that temper of his, and he'd always speak his mind. It was just who he was and he had no intention of trying to change himself. Sometimes other's would convince him that such a change would be for the better. That he'd be "happier" or something stupid like that. But before the recent changes in his life, he had been happy. And even with the losses, he was comfortable with himself. "Sometimes it is, yeah," he said, giving a slight shrug, "Other's, not so much."

"I'm fine," he insisted stubbornly. Of course, he knew it was a lie, but he didn't particularly want to talk about it. He had always been a closed up person. The kind who truly believed burying it all deep was the best way. That was the way his mother did it, and that was the way his siblings did it. He wondered why he should be any different. He knew he'd have to make an exception soon enough. He figured that's what they wanted. He let out a sigh, eyes finding her again as she spoke to him. "And I'll talk to them when you do. I suppose I have no choice, right?"

His arms were folded across his chest. It was an old habit of his that he'd likely never break. A defensive habit, in a way. He glanced at the picture, eyes lingering for the briefest of seconds. He couldn't look at it longer than that, though. "Funny how lives are intertwined and we may not even know it, isn't it?" he said casually, as though he wasn't hurting. (Stubborn as a dragon Jon would say) "I'm not sure why you're telling me this. Now of all times. If it's to let me know that I'm not the only one missing him, I know that already. I was there, after all," he added quietly, gently pushing the picture back to her. He was referring to being there with Airous, of course. He didn't know how much she knew about what happened, but he figured most people would at least know that much.

He snorted. "Sheldon is a lot different when compared to me," he replied. He wasn't even sure what words he could use to explain Hall, but different was definitely among them. Different than most people, he had always thought. But not necessarily in a bad way. "You, perhaps," he said, "I mean, of course you might be too busy. But I'd trust you with one of them before most of the aurors around here," Anyone else might have thought he was sucking up, but that wasn't the case at all. He was far from the brown nose type. In fact, he and the last head auror had gotten into a share of arguments during his time. That was probably why his file had a lot of notes about his temper.

OOC: Still having a mind block with aurors. Meh. xD The reply works. Also, wasn't sure whether she'd laid the picture down or not. So if she didn't, my apologies and I can edit it. For some reason, I pictured her doing so then reread the reply and saw that you didn't specify whether she'd held it out for him or placed it down, but I'd already typed my reply. o.O

[Deleted]

She thought of all the possibilities that could be taken and the fact that there was some paper work that had to be done for this a well as having Eclipse and Airous have other Aurors to take them in and train them. She had to think carefully and she also needed to bring Airous in here to talk to him about another Auror taking him in or the fact that she would have to, not that she minded training him, but that could be traumatizing to him too. Since it wasn't that long ago that he found out that she was his godmother and that his mother was her best friend as well. She guess she would Let him choose between Sheldon, Tony, or herself and see what he thought about the choices since she wasn't sure who else he would be capable of being under right then or there.

She watched him with an amused look, it was possible that she could give him work outside of the department but then it would be all in paper work or other tools to keep him busy but then again, that could stress him out. Well, then again she had plans to do with him while on suspension that would keep him busy or then again, would he be willing to do it? Choices that she had to make here quickly and sometimes she worried that she wouldn't make the right ones for the right reasons.

"Yes but only sometimes but then again, its honesty and thats what we need in people but then again, it isn't for it will get you into trouble, sometimes it could be the your own death if you are not careful enough in what you say." she said running her hand through her black naturally curly hair.

"Jacoby, those who say they are fine, are the ones that are not fine. I know that what you are saying is a lie and the fact that I can see it. You are not fine. Hiding or shoving those feelings down are not always the answer for those emotions will stick with you for a long time if you continue hiding those from those that truly care about you or even from yourself. You don't have to tell me or talk to me about it but I know damn well what is going on here. You don't have to be like everyone else Jacoby but don't change cause people want you to but don't be like the others." she said knowing how that went and how people would compare themselves with others, she had done the same thing and she decided that she didn't want to be like that and changed and decided to be different.

"You will need to talk to someone about this, for this is going to be part of your work while you are gone, you will meet with a therapist 2 times a week for an hour and I will need to keep tabs on how you are progressing with the therapist do to the fact that I need to know how you are. If there is no improvements and that you haven't really progressed well then...I will have to let you go Jacoby, I really don't want that. Yes you have a choice." she said being all business now with that for that was the choice she made for him to do in order to keep his job.

She watched him fold his arms and her whole body went ridged for a second ready for an avalanche of stuff to come from him then again she didn't care at the moment. She knew what her job entailed and that it could mean a shouting match or even worse which she had to remember to keep her cool or something would get even worse too. She watched his eyes as he glanced at the picture though then his eyes shifted and she understood how it went to not being able to look at something or someone who you loved for a long period of time after you lost them, she would forgive him for that though, she didn't mind.

"It is funny though life has a sick sense of humor if you take a good look at it since life can take away everything you cared for or let those you loved live but with pain and suffering or let you be. Other then that I guess fate has a job to make sure that everyone isn't to comfortable but enough to be happy through the roughest time." she said.

"I am telling you not to let you know your not the only one that is hurting but for you to realize I lost a man I loved too. That man I have known longer then you have and better then most. I already felt what you felt when you were there Jacoby, I was there in many ways but not actually there. I saw what you saw through another's eyes. Through Selene's who saw it through Airous's." she said her temper flaring and she almost, and she really almost did throw something at him but all she did was narrow her eyes and let her voice raise slightly warning him of her anger that she was getting with his attitude.

"That may be but he is dedicated in a similar fashion and the fact he knows what he is doing where as some only know a little for they haven't been out there like you or Sheldon or even Nerefon or Tony have." she said knowing that others who only went to do a few things but haven't been in battle but others knew what it was like to face the Dark Wizards down.

"I have thought about taking one of them though I am not completely sure if that would be the wisest choice. I would have to agree with you there though, I am not sure who I would trust with either Airous or Eclipse other then you, Sheldon, Tony or Nerefon. I will have to figure it out in the mean time." she said agreeing.

OOC: Crap I don't know any therapists good with this other then Nerefon. *thinks* Where as the picture was concerned it doesn't really matte though so no biggy on that. xD

[Jacoby Michaels]

Jacoby chuckled as he listened to her, unable to tell whether she agreed that it wasn't always good or not. It sounded like she did. It certainly wasn't always a good thing. It had nearly gotten him killed at one point or another. Not everyone cared for such brutal honesty. "Oh boy," he said with a chuckle, "It certainly can get you into trouble. Not everyone wants to hear the truth. The truth hurts, I guess," he added with a shrug. "And angers, in some cases."

She was speaking again, his eyes were on her as he listened. Maybe she had a point. Maybe the people who insisted they were fine were the ones that were the least fine of them all. Jon always claimed to be fine. He often even did a good job acting like he was. But Jacoby knew well that he was far from it. Jacoby, also, knew that he himself was far from fine. "I suppose you would be able to see through it," he said a tad cynically, "After all, we're trained to see through a lie, aren't we? Maybe I'm not fine. And so what if I'm not?" he took a deep breath, eyes wandering away from her again. He didn't really want to talk about any of this. He didn't see why he had to. He couldn't imagine why she wanted him to. What would it really accomplish? Other than giving him a headache.

He went to take another sip of coffee, only to discover that the cup was now empty. He kept it between his hands, anyway. It gave his hands something to do, at least, as either thumb picked obsessively at the sides of the cup. "Those that truly care about me," he mumbled, snickering in amusement, "You mean my dog? Or my landlord?" Maybe he should have bit the words back, but he hadn't quite thought about them before he'd said them out loud. Typical of him. "I don't think you do, Hecate," he said honestly, "You seem to think you do. But I'm not convinced you know the entirety. I'm not trying to be like anyone else. I can't imagine who would even want me to change. And if someone did, I would not change for them," Well, it was the god honest truth. Sure, much of his behavior was learned. But it was no different than anyone else who learned from watching their parents.

He took a deep breath, exhaling it slowly. He had to remain calm. No matter what. That would be ideal, wouldn't it? He'd been doing so well. He couldn't break the facade now. "That's fine," he said, "I'll speak to anyone you want me to," He frowned at the idea of being let go. Well, he knew it was a possibility. People in his line of work needed to be mentally stable. But all he was doing was grieving. Wouldn't he be able to progress through that? He thought so. "I don't want that, either," he said, "This is all I know."

He shrugged, unable to reply to any of that. He didn't truly believe that fate would help someone find happiness, in the darkest of times. Because of his friendship with Jon and how he'd seen Jon's real side, he had trouble believing it. Maybe it was cynical. But Jon was forever optimistic, no matter how bad he got. One of them had to be realistic. Then she was speaking again, clearly angry with how he'd replied. He narrowed his eyes, unable to understand why. As far as he'd been concerned, he hadn't said anything inappropriate. He almost wished Jon had been there. To kick his leg like he used to during the Hogwarts years whenever he started to say something socially unacceptable.

"So, because you knew him longer, it hurts more?" he asked a bit coldly, "Is that what you're implying? Because that's what it sounds like," he had subconsciously pressed deeper into the edge of the cup he was holding, jamming a hole through it with his thumb. Nerves, rather than anger. Though someone who didn't know him well may have misconstrued it. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you had seen it, too. My point was not to bring up the fact that I had, but to let you know that I am aware other's were affected by the loss, too," He gave a sigh. This was how it often went with him. Even when he tried his best to be calm and collected, someone misunderstood his body posture, or his tone of voice, or his facial expressions. And Jon wondered why he had trouble socializing.

"He's definitely dedicated," Jacoby said quietly, "I think that any of you four would be a match for them," he thought about it for a moment, unsure who he'd pair with whom. "Eclipse might work well with Sheldon. Then again, Airous might, too. Or Nerefon. In the end, it's your decision. I know whatever you decide will be the right one."

OOC: Haha. Nerefon works if you want to go int hat direction. would create a future thread opportunity, at least lol