Last resort (Lloyd)

[Danni Rogers]

Danni had found a stack of razors in Jon's bathroom while looking for more tooth paste. She told herself not to take one. Knowing if she did she wouldn't be able to control herself. She knew it was a bad idea. It could easly throw her into labor as well as kill her and if Lloyd saw she would never forgive herself. She shouldn't have grabbed one and hide in the guest bathroom.

Danni hadn't heard the footsteps down the hall. The sound of the dogs getting excited that Lloyd was home. She was more focused on the smell of copper that hit the razor. Of the control and power she felt. The rush of adrenaline. Not even the sound of drops of blood hitting the white floor was enough to snap her out of her thoughts. It wasn't until someone pulled at her arm that she finally realized what she was truly doing.

[Lloyd Doom]

The house seemed mostly empty but for the dogs. Lloyd was instantly mauled by paws and excited barking as he stepped through the fire place. Even Jon's dogs had joined in the chorus. Vladimir sat patiently waiting for him to greet him, and when Lloyd did the other dogs calmed down long enough for him to make his way past them and toward the guest room. He thought for a moment that the house was empty but for the dogs. There was no sight of Alissa, no peep from the kids, not even Jacoby or Jonathan were anywhere to be seen.

He pushed the guest room door open, not expecting to see Danni, and definitely not prepared for the sight he was about to see. His eyes went right to Danni and then to the sight of blood. Confusion hit his mind at first. He wasn't sure how to react. But as soon as the realization of the situation hit him, he moved quickly for Danni, letting the door shut behind him so Jon wouldn't see should he come home. He knelt beside her, pulling gently at her arm, "Danni?" he said, voice cracking slightly from shock as he spoke her name, "What... what have you done? Why?" he asked, voice quiet as he spoke the last question.

[Danni Rogers]

Danni hadn't been expecting to see Lloyd. It was the last person she thought she would see when she looked up. She had expected it to be Jon. She was shocked when she meet Lloyd gaze. She dropped the razor. At his question she stared at him dumbfounded and tried for tug her arms away.

"your home early." she said trying to step around the situation as best she could. She glanced at her arm taking in the damage. She didn't know what to say to Lloyd. She hoped that this wouldn't make her lose him. But how could she explain. She didn't blame him for walking out on her if he chose to.

[Lloyd Doom]

Lloyd's eyes went to the razor after their eyes had met. He could feel her try to tug her arms away. He wasn't holding on too tightly, but was determined not to let go. He looked at her once more, meeting her gaze again and noticing the dumbfounded expression. He wondered what was going through her mind. But he wasn't sure how to ask. He heard her words and twitched slightly, though not in a way that indicated irritation. Rather, confusion. He shook his head, not sure why that even mattered at the moment.

"I got finished at work early," he said indifferently. Marcus had eased up on him a bit that week, and let him leave earlier than he had been doing. "But that's not important right now," he continued, eyes drifting to the wound on Danni. It wasn't the first time he'd caught someone in such a situation. He'd been so much younger when it was Jon, though. And Danni was different, anyway. He cared more about Danni. He loved her more. He wasn't going to leave. And if she needed help, he'd find a way. "Answer my question," he pleaded with her, wondering just then how bad it was, "Where did you even find it?" he asked, gesturing to the razor that she had dropped.

[Danni Rogers]

Danni felt him hold onto her arms. It was a right hold but enough to keep them in place. She swallowed hard. This was the last thing she wanted Lloyd to know she did or even see. She heard his words and winced slightly. She couldn't find the words to answer his question. She didn't know that answer to his question or what it should be. What had she done? "I....." she stuttered nervously.

Danni gazed down at the cuts. Two where only slightly one the surface but one was deep and bleeding more the. It should. She glanced down at the razor not sure if she should answer that question but decided that Lloyd probably already knew. "I found it in Jon's bathroom." she admired looking away from his gaze.

[Lloyd Doom]

Lloyd was growing panicked. He wasn't sure if she would be okay. He wasn't sure if the baby would be okay. And he was genuinely panicked. He didn't know what he should do, or whether the wounds would require immediate attention. But he was determined to figure something out. Determined to see it through, and make sure she'd be just fine. "You?" he asked, voice choked again as he spoke the word. "Let me see them," he said. Of course, he'd already seen them, but only a closer look would allow him to know how bad they really were. "You're bleeding. A lot,"

He loosened his hold on her arms, but still didn't let go. He wasn't sure whether he should reprimand her or pull her into a tight hug and tell her it would all be okay. He was clearly caught between the two as he stared at her, trying to find the proper words. He heard her answer and felt anger pull at his stomach. He tried not to let it show. But he couldn't stop the next words from slipping past his lips, "I should have known," voice quiet as he spoke them. Not sure she'd even heard.

[Danni Rogers]

Danni looked down at the wounds when he said she was bleeding a lot. She nodded slowly almost mesmerized by the cuts. She wondered how much more she would have done if Lloyd hadn't walked in. She tried not to meet his gaze as she suddenly felt ashamed. Ashamed that she had even thought of doing this. That she had thought it had been a good idea. Tears started to fall down her cheeks and she found herself wishing Lloyd would go away.

Danni had heard his next words. "don't blame Jon. It wasn't his fault." she half pleaded. She more or less didn't want him to tell Jon what she had done. Then Jon would tell Alissa and she would tell who ever else. The last thing she wanted was the whole world to know what shameful thing she had done.

[Lloyd Doom]

Lloyd noticed the tears falling down her cheeks, and he decided that yelling wouldn't be the best option instantly. He visibly softened at the sight, reaching out to wipe a tear off her cheek. He wasn't sure why she'd done it, he wasn't sure he'd ever know for certain. He wasn't sure she'd tell him. He knew from past experience that telling was the hardest part. He wanted so badly, at that moment, to hug her. But wasn't sure whether he should or not given the circumstances. Instead, he wiped a tear from her other cheek as he stared at her, free hand still on her other arm.

"I won't," he told her. He was still angry. Knowing that Jon had kept such things around. But he knew that Jonathan hadn't meant for anything like this to happen. At least, not to anyone but himself. "I think you need a healer," he said, looking down at her arms. He wasn't sure she would like that suggestion. But he still wasn't sure how bad it was.

[Danni Rogers]

Danni felt Lloyd reach out and wipe her tears away. She looked up at him, blinking slightly. She knew he was mad at her. If it had been him sitting there she would have been furious. "I'm sorry." she whispered. It was the only thing she could find to same to him. She had hurt him and she couldn't take it back now. "I never.....meant for you to see me like this." she said honestly.

"no!" she almost yelled at him. He clearly hadn't been in a bad situation like this, or so she thought. She tried to tug her arm away with more force now. She wouldn't let him take her to a healer. "do you know what they do with people like me?" she asked trying as hard as she could to get away from him. Her adrenaline was pumping once more and she wanted to bolt. To leave for a day maybe longer so she wouldn't have to see a healer. "they lock people up who are like me."

[Lloyd Doom]

Lloyd wasn't sure if what he was feeling was anger. He was definitely feeling something in the pit of his stomach. Emotions always did confuse him. They had always been so important, and yet so baffling. He watched her, and as he stared at her while she cried, he knew what emotion it was. It wasn't anger. It was fear. He didn't know what happened next. He had no idea if she'd be okay. Or, for that matter, if she was okay. And he didn't know why she'd done it. Why she'd taken the blade that she'd found and used it on the one person he supposed she shouldn't have. "You don't have to apologize," he told her softly, "I don't understand why, though," he said, unaware he'd spoken aloud.

She almost yelled the word know and Lloyd flinched away. The reaction didn't surprise Lloyd as much as it might have surprised anyone else. Granted, he himself had never been caught.. he had once caught Jonathan. And when he and Jacoby had, Jon had had essentially the same reaction to the suggestion of healers. His grip was gone when she tugged that time, but he didn't move from his spot. "I won't let them," he told her, "They can put you on watch for a while. But-" he paused, expression stunned, "You need someone to look at it. And I don't know what to do," he said, choking on the words.

[Danni Rogers]

Danni heard his statement and was unable to explain. Why had she done it? Was it due to stress? She had always done this when she felt down, alone. "I don't think you would understand even if I tried to explain." she said honestly unsure of how to eve begin that process. Maybe one day he would figure it out.

Danni watched he flinch away. Then she heard his words and backed up away from him, blood dripping down he arm. "watch? Do you think I'm going to kill myself?!" she just about screened at him. Danni shock her head. "I'll be fine. I was careful. A bandaid should be all I need." she said walking to the bathroom and frantically searching for a bandage.

[Lloyd Doom]

"You don't know that," Lloyd said, panic filling his voice. He hadn't meant to say it, hadn't even thought about the words. He wasn't sure what to think at the moment. He wasn't sure what to think or feel about anything. "Try me," he told her, a bit hurt that she would think he wouldn't. He tried not to show it. He wasn't sure if the attempt was successful.

When she screamed, he flinched. That wasn't what he had meant at all, but he couldn't find the words. His mouth hung open, dumbfounded. All he could manage to do was shake his head at the reply. "Fine?" he asked, shock in his voice. He wasn't sure fine was the right word to use. He followed her to the bathroom. "I think you need more than a band aid," he said.

[Danni Rogers]

Danni heard the hurt in his voice and instently felt bad. "it's not like I don't want you to know. I don't know how to explain." she said softly. "I wish there was a way for you to just feel what I'm going through." she shock her head. That hadn't came out right at all. She gazed up at him meeting his eyes "I never wanted you to see me like this." she whispered as she felt more tears threaten to fall, but she held them back as best she said.

Danni ran her arm under the sinks water. "I'm not goin to a healer. There's no way." she said shacking her head as the sink became filled with a light pink. Keeping her arm in the water she started to search for bandages in the drawers of the sink. "where do they even keep their bamdaids?" she asked

[Lloyd Doom]

Lloyd hadn't meant for her to hear the hurt. The last thing he wanted to do at that moment was make her feel bad. He heard her words and was unable to respond properly. It seemed that it was always hard to explain such things. He supposed there often weren't words to describe it, or, if there were, they didn't seem to make much sense to anyone but the person who spoke them. Her next words took him back a bit. If feeling it would mean that she wouldn't, though, perhaps he wouldn't mind. "I know," he said quietly.

Lloyd watched her run the water and heard her words. Perhaps, he'd been thoughtless suggesting a healer. But he still knew that he wouldn't be able to treat it himself. Not in his state of mind. "You need someone to look at it," he said, voice practically pleading with her as she searched for the band aids. Knowing Jonathan and the fact that they had kids, there were bound to be some somewhere. "I don't know," Lloyd said, then added, "but I still don't think a band aid will be enough."

[Danni Rogers]

Danni watched Lloyd carefully. She hit her bottom lip nervously. Danni wondered if he still wanted her to try to explain or if she had explained how hard it was to tell him enough that he would understand if she didn't. Danni looked at the wound that was in the water.

"I'm not having a healer look at it." she said more determined now. "besides it's starting to stop bleeding." she said with a soft sigh. "I'm sure it'll be fine. I've had worse then this." she said looking up at him. "I bet the bandaids are in the kids bathroom." she said trying to change the subject.